Personal Statement.

The January of my Fourth Grade year, I began to live in a single family household, only my mom, two older siblings, and two dogs. Things would never be the same; family life would never be complete. I may not have known it then, but from then on I would be striving to make a better life for myself, a self sufficient life depending on no one but me. I managed to make it through the rest of elementary school unscathed, until I left right before my 8^th Grade year to attend the local all boys’ high school, Archbishop Shaw. At this point my brother and sister were grown up and off to find their own ways, and I entered my first year of real high school. Fortunately, I had already been there for a year and knew how the system worked. Then Hurricane Katrina hit and turned everything upside down. Slowly but surely my family grew further and further apart. My mom, brother, and sister grew to hate one another, along with a vicious battle between my mom’s side and my dad’s side of the family. Obviously I was stuck right in the middle. From then on out, it was only me and my mom.

School started up again in October, and I was searching for my way out from all the things going on around me. The nearby all girl school was holding auditions for Beauty and the Beast. My math teacher said he would give us extra credit for auditioning since he worked with the director. I had shown a small interest in acting in grade school but never singing or dancing. I looked at my Pre-Algebra grades, then looked at the audition form and said, “What the heck?” Doing that show will leave me with things I will never forget. I finally found a place where I had no worries, the stage. It became a place that I called home.

Gradually, more and more connections were made, networking became easier, and now I’ve done shows with 8 different local companies ranging from high schools, to small local churches, to two of the biggest theatres in the New Orleans area. It is an amazing feeling to be able to be a part of the rebirth of theatre in New Orleans.

Along with balancing a busy rehearsal schedule, I managed to still stay involved in as much of school as possible. I was invited into both National Honor Society and Mu Alpha Theta, along with being a part of Respect Life, Art Club, and most importantly Peer Ministry and Music Ministry. Working on masses, retreats, and daily prayer was only half of it. It was important as a peer minister to be a guide for other students as well as a role model. The determination to go to work every morning before school, and follow school with rehearsal every day, is what makes it all pay off. All of my work is for my love of the theatre.

Being on stage performing has never made me a happier person. I was finally able to come in to my own person with no inhibitions. One thing I strive for is to be happy, and one thing that makes me happy is to see other people happy. Theatre fulfills this for me. Someone may be sitting in the theatre having the absolute worse day, but for a brief moment, no matter how miniscule, you can bring them a tiny flicker of happiness.


Hopefully this works out
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks

Live it.

We as humans need three things to maintain a state of emotional stabily:
Affirmation
Validation
Apprecation

In general its important that we afre told that we are valued. This past weekend Ive realized that I am a "valued player." Its a great feeling. Although this weekend sucked royally, ithelped me realize this. I think returning from New York helped as well.

Id like to take this time to let you knwo that I appreciate you for who you are.
You are amazing.
Im glad we talk as much as we do.
When others are hating, I love you.
I love you.
I like how we always talk about him.
Im glad you are my first best friend.
Im glad you are one of my best friends now.
If I could give you my my heart, I would.
Only for you babe.

Never doubt yourself. Dont regret anything. Live life to the fullest.
If you ever think doubt, realize that you are something awesome to someone else.

The next time i see you I'll let you know I care about you.
Until then thank you blog for letting me open up to you.
Thanks.

Me for Me.

So I just returned home on Saturday and I miss New York so much.

Here is what i learned:
I'm proud to be gay. I am proud of the person I am. I didn't think that I would learn that on my religious leadership retreat. If anything, I was worried they would try to convert my ways or something. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time and I got a lot out of it. I wasn't there to change who I am. I am not a different person. I am a BETTER person. I realized that I am open to Christ and feel like a good moral person now. I also realized that God accepts me for who I am. He created me why would he discriminate against me. Im proud to be me, and He's proud of me.
Before going into confession on the retreat I was afraid to go in because I was afraid that God wouldn't accept me.
Someone told me, "Oh Kaleb, I use to be an alcoholic, and after last year's service I am changed."
In response I told her, "Its not the same, I'm gay."
Its not something I do, it is who I am. It is a part of me, not just an action.

I am proud of who i am, and i can't believe I learned it on this retreat.

When I finally had this realization, I knew that it was time to clear the air with Danielle, "the girl". I finally figured out why it was so hard for the tension to go away and why I neglected our friendship. I know that I am gay, yet I still having feelings for a girl. A GIRL. Every time I looked at her, in my head I was not only thinking about her, but also about the guy I last kissed. I felt so guilty. The only way I knew how not to lead her on and not get caught up in the feelings was to stop it completely. Don't think of it as a girl who likes a boy who likes a boy. Just think of an ex-relationship. We still having feelings for each other yet we know that it won't work. I've never dealt with something so difficult. I love her, but like i said, I am proud of who i am.

All in all, I feel great about myself. I finally feel like I know which Kaleb I am. I know how to answer my survey now. And honestly I have to thank God for that.
Thank you God for letting me open up to you
Thanks.

Good. Better. Best

This is going to be short.

I haven't been so satisfied with things in a while. I was stressed with so much shit for the longest time and i also had so many unnecessary stresses as well.
I'm at the point now when i feel absolutely satisfied with life. Everything seems to be right on track. Back on the right page.

At this point in time, I feel so good with all my relationships with all my friends. Each and every single one of you. The ones i didn't think were working out, are now better then ever before. Ive also realized to see friendship in others i didn't think possible. Wow. Ive never felt this sense of satisfaction with my friendships before.

I'm now about to leave to go to New York. I'm so fucking excited. Its not that often that people get to go to the big apple and I'm so happy I'm going back. The one downer is that I'm going with school instead of with my real friends and that its a retreat based around religion and leadership. I don't intend on getting a new religious Kaleb out of this but at least a more morally just Kaleb. But I'm fearful of change. Not that I'm afraid to change, but I'm afraid of having others change me. Who knows i may come back a totally different person. Its just i try so hard to find the best Kaleb and to have them change it around would suck.

I know I'm a good Kaleb.
I could stand to be a better Kaleb.
I'm in search of the best Kaleb.

Ill be sure to write when i come back or even while im there.
Until then blog, thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks.

Survey for Kaleb

1. Full Name:
Kaleb James Babb

2. Sexual Orientation:
-Straight: What people see on the Westbank.
-Gay: What people see on the Eastbank.
[i never thought id describe it that way.]

3. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
-Finishing college at Holy Cross for either Physical Therapist or a Registered Nurse.
-Entertaining and performing somewhere, anywhere; teaching middle school.

4. Turn ons:
-Curly haired brunette with tight stomach and ass.
-Wavy haired brunette with strong face and body.

5. Heartbreaker?
-Im sorry for breaking hers. I didnt mean to ever hurt her.
-He broke mine. Im putting together the pieces.

6. What do you do on a Friday night?
-Theology and Eat: Pizza followed by deep talks of life and meaning.
-Party: Drinking, dancing, smoking followed by passing out on whoever is closest to you.

7. When was the last time you realized you did something wrong?
-I wish I would have realized that she wasnt going to judge me and she would except me no matter who i was.
-I wish I would have realized that i shouldnt have pushed myself on him and excepted how great our friendship was.

8. Why did your last relationship end?
-I realized that she was not going to be satisfied with our friendship outside of our relationship.
-I realized I was tired of feeling sorry for him and hated what we became.

9. How do you want people to see you?
-Someone guys want to be and girls want to be with.
-Someone guys want to be and want to be with.

10. Are you satisfied with the person you are becoming?
-I'm not.
-I'm not.


How can so many simple questions be so hard to answer?
When will I be able to answer them?
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks

Not so cool beans

There are only a few things I can say
so i will say them in the words of Kelly...

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
It just ain't right
Lord, it just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Lord, would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
But do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, hold me tight

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
Waited so long

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful
Lord, he's so beautiful
He's beautiful

I guess thats I can say for now
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks

From Paris to Saigon

"Kim: Tam's chance lies with you now, not with you now not with me.

Ellen: No! can't you see? It can't work,it can't be.

Kim: If you're saying that because you made him change his mind!
Chris must go away and leave me and his son behind!
If you're saying that, because my husband has another wife!
My child has no future,like the dust of life!
He must come tonight to my place!
Tell me so to my face!"

As the end of Miss Saigon draws nearer, Ive been watching the show more intently. The show itself is amazing. The story is something that everyone should see. Watching the show everyday has really put things into perspective. Hopefully most will come see the show so i'll try not to spoil to many details.

Everytime I think I am sad or depressed or stressed or i think things couldnt be any worse, i think of Kim, She has helped me realize how insignificant my problems are. I think at least i wasnt whored out to lose my viginity and then get pregnant and strive my whole life to make the best for your son no matter what it may take. The poor girl goes through hell and back. I know it may only be a show but these kinds of things happened in real life. There are people all across the world that have problems. Dont think that you are the only with problems. We all have them. No matter how miniscule it may be.

Paris for example. There is a girl on my bus whose name is Paris. On first meeting her she told me i was a "big meanie" and she was cheerleader. Well on the bus yesterday, the whole bus was completely packed, and she decided to sit next to me. Initially she was a total bitch. It was whatever though. Before getting off the bus, she decided to all of a sudden open up. It was so weird. Apparently she went to public school her whole life and she is now struggling to keep her grades up. When we got closer to home I said i was going to be glad to go home. Her response was something i never thought would have came out of the girls mouth,

"I really dont want to go home. I cant stand it there. I cant stay still for more that 3 minutes. ... I have ADHD. I know. I know. Its just i cant stay focused to do my work. Im getting medication tomorrow. I really dont want to take it. I really like who i am. Im a fun outgoing person and the meds take that away from me. I know that if i dont take then though then my grades with suffer with lack of focus. And with bad grades my parents are going to take me out of Karate. I cant do that. Its my life. So i am losing myself just so that I can do something i love to do, but cant reach my potential cuz im losing the real me because of the meds."

I didnt know what to tell her. Tears were welling in her eyes. The girl I didnt even know. She just so badly needed some to talk to. I just coudnt believe what was happening. As i walked from the bus stop i couldnt help but think about her. This was her problem. She had one. She, the tough girl who has to act hard, broke down right in front of me. We all have problems, and we will all evetually get past them. We all do. Just remember, when things are looking at thier worst, Think of Kim.

Things are pretty content right now
I wonder when my next problem will arise
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks