Proud of Your Boy...

Sorry Darren and Dylan, this is not a shout out to the either of you. My mom actually told me she was proud of me. She told me how glad she was to have me around and how much she appreciates me. I could not believe this. Ive finally realized how much she depends on me. Im all she has. Im her one person she has to rely on. She has Dell... okay. That says a lot but he left his own wife for her, why wont he leave my mom for another "newer model". I almost feel bad for ever being negative about her. I know shes gone through a lot. But Ive also realized how much I am independent from her and everyone else in my family. I make a conscience effort to make a better life for myself. I am only 17 years old and still in high school. I should not have to make this kind of effort for myself. Well i guess you do what you gotta do. [Ima nikka bitch, im gonna say what i want to say and say it.]

But it seems like you cant build a bridge without burning another. I feel like just when you have a breakthrough and things are going great, things go downhill somewhere else and this past week that has been the saying for a lot of people.
While I was on evacuation, my sister called me to tell me she was in Dollywood with my brother and dad. She then went on to tell me i should have left my mom and went with them. I couldnt believe it. They are so selfish. This has gone on since Katrina. I felt like i was reliving the same exact moment during Katrina evacuation when i was on the phone with my brother and he told me "You should just let mom get her shit together and come move into dads with me and sis." I still cant believe they told me this. But it just seems like when Im good with one part of the family I have more tracks i have to cross with others. Why do they think Im so mature or something? I wish my family would understand me. Its sad. They never will... ever.

Now on to friends. Within the following paragraphs people will be mentioned or talked about in a roundabout way, but i will not say any names. I know you know who you are and so forth but it just makes it easier.
So over the evacution, Ive realized how much i missed my friends and how much they have been on my mind. While for some people, Ive become uber close with, others i feel as if i let them down. I still make the effort to make everything okay. Here again i keep thinking, Build a bridge and burn another. Just when things couldnt get any more perfect with one person, I just go and fuck things up with another.
One thing Ive strived to do is not be a disapointmeant for anyone. Ive been so disapointed by so many people in my past, i dont want to do that to anyone. I take such pride in being that strong person for people. So when i disapoint someone, its not only hurting them, its hurting me too. Im sorry.
I never want to hurt anyone, and im sorry if Ive ever disapointed anyone. That goes to so many people.

One thing that Kaleb Babb has realized is that he's not natually perfect. I am far from it. I guess all i can do is try and try again to be that person for people. I guess we will have to wait and see where this all goes.
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks