Survey for Kaleb

1. Full Name:
Kaleb James Babb

2. Sexual Orientation:
-Straight: What people see on the Westbank.
-Gay: What people see on the Eastbank.
[i never thought id describe it that way.]

3. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
-Finishing college at Holy Cross for either Physical Therapist or a Registered Nurse.
-Entertaining and performing somewhere, anywhere; teaching middle school.

4. Turn ons:
-Curly haired brunette with tight stomach and ass.
-Wavy haired brunette with strong face and body.

5. Heartbreaker?
-Im sorry for breaking hers. I didnt mean to ever hurt her.
-He broke mine. Im putting together the pieces.

6. What do you do on a Friday night?
-Theology and Eat: Pizza followed by deep talks of life and meaning.
-Party: Drinking, dancing, smoking followed by passing out on whoever is closest to you.

7. When was the last time you realized you did something wrong?
-I wish I would have realized that she wasnt going to judge me and she would except me no matter who i was.
-I wish I would have realized that i shouldnt have pushed myself on him and excepted how great our friendship was.

8. Why did your last relationship end?
-I realized that she was not going to be satisfied with our friendship outside of our relationship.
-I realized I was tired of feeling sorry for him and hated what we became.

9. How do you want people to see you?
-Someone guys want to be and girls want to be with.
-Someone guys want to be and want to be with.

10. Are you satisfied with the person you are becoming?
-I'm not.
-I'm not.


How can so many simple questions be so hard to answer?
When will I be able to answer them?
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks

Not so cool beans

There are only a few things I can say
so i will say them in the words of Kelly...

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
It just ain't right
Lord, it just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Lord, would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
But do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, hold me tight

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
Waited so long

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful
Lord, he's so beautiful
He's beautiful

I guess thats I can say for now
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks

From Paris to Saigon

"Kim: Tam's chance lies with you now, not with you now not with me.

Ellen: No! can't you see? It can't work,it can't be.

Kim: If you're saying that because you made him change his mind!
Chris must go away and leave me and his son behind!
If you're saying that, because my husband has another wife!
My child has no future,like the dust of life!
He must come tonight to my place!
Tell me so to my face!"

As the end of Miss Saigon draws nearer, Ive been watching the show more intently. The show itself is amazing. The story is something that everyone should see. Watching the show everyday has really put things into perspective. Hopefully most will come see the show so i'll try not to spoil to many details.

Everytime I think I am sad or depressed or stressed or i think things couldnt be any worse, i think of Kim, She has helped me realize how insignificant my problems are. I think at least i wasnt whored out to lose my viginity and then get pregnant and strive my whole life to make the best for your son no matter what it may take. The poor girl goes through hell and back. I know it may only be a show but these kinds of things happened in real life. There are people all across the world that have problems. Dont think that you are the only with problems. We all have them. No matter how miniscule it may be.

Paris for example. There is a girl on my bus whose name is Paris. On first meeting her she told me i was a "big meanie" and she was cheerleader. Well on the bus yesterday, the whole bus was completely packed, and she decided to sit next to me. Initially she was a total bitch. It was whatever though. Before getting off the bus, she decided to all of a sudden open up. It was so weird. Apparently she went to public school her whole life and she is now struggling to keep her grades up. When we got closer to home I said i was going to be glad to go home. Her response was something i never thought would have came out of the girls mouth,

"I really dont want to go home. I cant stand it there. I cant stay still for more that 3 minutes. ... I have ADHD. I know. I know. Its just i cant stay focused to do my work. Im getting medication tomorrow. I really dont want to take it. I really like who i am. Im a fun outgoing person and the meds take that away from me. I know that if i dont take then though then my grades with suffer with lack of focus. And with bad grades my parents are going to take me out of Karate. I cant do that. Its my life. So i am losing myself just so that I can do something i love to do, but cant reach my potential cuz im losing the real me because of the meds."

I didnt know what to tell her. Tears were welling in her eyes. The girl I didnt even know. She just so badly needed some to talk to. I just coudnt believe what was happening. As i walked from the bus stop i couldnt help but think about her. This was her problem. She had one. She, the tough girl who has to act hard, broke down right in front of me. We all have problems, and we will all evetually get past them. We all do. Just remember, when things are looking at thier worst, Think of Kim.

Things are pretty content right now
I wonder when my next problem will arise
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks

Proud of Your Boy...

Sorry Darren and Dylan, this is not a shout out to the either of you. My mom actually told me she was proud of me. She told me how glad she was to have me around and how much she appreciates me. I could not believe this. Ive finally realized how much she depends on me. Im all she has. Im her one person she has to rely on. She has Dell... okay. That says a lot but he left his own wife for her, why wont he leave my mom for another "newer model". I almost feel bad for ever being negative about her. I know shes gone through a lot. But Ive also realized how much I am independent from her and everyone else in my family. I make a conscience effort to make a better life for myself. I am only 17 years old and still in high school. I should not have to make this kind of effort for myself. Well i guess you do what you gotta do. [Ima nikka bitch, im gonna say what i want to say and say it.]

But it seems like you cant build a bridge without burning another. I feel like just when you have a breakthrough and things are going great, things go downhill somewhere else and this past week that has been the saying for a lot of people.
While I was on evacuation, my sister called me to tell me she was in Dollywood with my brother and dad. She then went on to tell me i should have left my mom and went with them. I couldnt believe it. They are so selfish. This has gone on since Katrina. I felt like i was reliving the same exact moment during Katrina evacuation when i was on the phone with my brother and he told me "You should just let mom get her shit together and come move into dads with me and sis." I still cant believe they told me this. But it just seems like when Im good with one part of the family I have more tracks i have to cross with others. Why do they think Im so mature or something? I wish my family would understand me. Its sad. They never will... ever.

Now on to friends. Within the following paragraphs people will be mentioned or talked about in a roundabout way, but i will not say any names. I know you know who you are and so forth but it just makes it easier.
So over the evacution, Ive realized how much i missed my friends and how much they have been on my mind. While for some people, Ive become uber close with, others i feel as if i let them down. I still make the effort to make everything okay. Here again i keep thinking, Build a bridge and burn another. Just when things couldnt get any more perfect with one person, I just go and fuck things up with another.
One thing Ive strived to do is not be a disapointmeant for anyone. Ive been so disapointed by so many people in my past, i dont want to do that to anyone. I take such pride in being that strong person for people. So when i disapoint someone, its not only hurting them, its hurting me too. Im sorry.
I never want to hurt anyone, and im sorry if Ive ever disapointed anyone. That goes to so many people.

One thing that Kaleb Babb has realized is that he's not natually perfect. I am far from it. I guess all i can do is try and try again to be that person for people. I guess we will have to wait and see where this all goes.
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks

Girls Im Positive. [I wish i could be more like you, Elle]

Im sitting in my grandparents motorhome with my mom and three dogs. Its fairly nice but this place is ridiculous. I would say there is between 50 and 75 spots for campers and the owner put two to every spot. There are well over 100 campers here. The poor lady that owns he place was a karina victim from the gulfcoast, so she has this crazy compassion for everyone. She refuses to tell anyone that they cant stay here. That means anywhere from 4-8 people per camper plus children like they all came out the old lady's shoe and everyone has dogs. And lets remember these are campround people. Has anyone see the movie RV? I wish all these people could be like Kristen Chenoweth, but they are all crazier. SO many people have walked around with no shirts on while holding a beer. and all the little kids swim around the clock. i hope they drown.

Ive realized my spirits have been down. Me out of all people am in a moment of weakness. I am doing so much better then i was doing before. Saturday night it was so hard to hold back my tears. to see my moms face was frightening. It was a face ive never seen before. she told me not to leave anything behind that i was be sick if i lost it. I gathered as much as i could and put it all in plastic bins. In this process i found Mouse-y. He was my stuff animal toy thing as a child. He smelt like grapes and i loved him, and even when i found him he still had the faint smell of artificial grape flavoring. LOVE IT. It made me so happy. I also found my baby silver teething rings. Ive been carrying them around with me since saturday.

Oh saturday. Saturday morning was great. As i drove home from Hannahs house, i couldnt help but think how great life is. I have been so perfectly content with life. Things were going so great. I had absolutely nothing to complain about at all. I cant help but wish i could just go back and relive that last week over and over. Things were just so good. I guess it just goes to show. Never get to comfortable with things when things are good. I guess my optimism is slowly going away, but things are looking up. I cant help but try to be positive now.

I just want to go back home, get in my bed, go to sleep, wake up in the morning, and it be all a dream. My only concerns are that shaw, my house, mt carmel and rivertown are still all in great condition. I need to be able to live in my house, i need to be able to graduate from shaw, i need to do a show at rivertown, and i need to be Seymour at Mt Carmel. I was telling my mom how happy i was and how great things were doing. She told me she realized it and thats why she letting me do the shows. She knows im happy. And im glad shes realized it. Things are finally better with us. She sees how much i do and how much i try to strive to live a good life for myself unlike the rest of my miserable family. She has finally realized my determination.

So all i can do is sit and wait and hope for the best
I know things are going to be great when i get back home
I just know it
Until then blog thank you for letting me open up to you
Thanks