Sunday, February 15, 2009
Kelly, Period.
The term, YOU, can be used single, plural, masculine, feminine, abstract, or concrete.
And thats exactly what i think about when i listen to this song. Whether it be about a single person or even a group of friends. Whether its one single boy or a group of girls. Whether it be about the place i hate the most or memories i chose not to remember. Whether it be you... or even me. Whether it be the me that i don't want you to see or i don't want to see anymore. Whether it be the me you remember or the me that i long forgot.
Since U been gone,
I can breath for the first time.
You should know,
Now i get what i want.
Friday, February 6, 2009
The List.
As I write this blog, it is currently early morning on February 6, 2009, officially one week until my birthday. The 17th year of my life was definitely that of something substantial. I started doing real theatre for the first time and things have only been looking up from there. Also, in this past year I went on OLR in New York. That was most likely the best experience of my life. I finally understood myself and how I fit in to my surroundings. Yesterday, I was reading a friend of minds witness talk for some peer to peer help. The more I read the more I missed that single week in the middle of the New Jersey woods with 80 people I didn’t even know and how much it affected my life. Oh how much I miss it.
Also, in my 17th year, the list was created. We all have the list no matter how much we try to deny that it exists. We all date, we all fuck around, and we all fuck up. The people on your list will continuously continue to grow. The list…
1. At the beginning of the list is simple. We date someone, and we think that it is the best thing that you think could have ever happened. Unfortunately, not all relationships work out. If it ends badly, you most likely won’t talk anymore and there is awkwardness every time you see them. No matter how hard you try to mend things, you’ll probably never speak again.
2. Slowly the list becomes more complicated. You may talk to someone and there may be mutual feelings. Then the other person realizes that you shouldn’t be together, and eventually you stop talking. In the future, you still become friends, but every once in a while, you start thinking of the past and how good it could have been.
3. There are some people on your list that you will continue to keep close. You date, hook up, and things seem to be almost perfect. The emotional attraction is there, and even the physical attraction is there as well. But it won’t work out. You both try so hard but in the end, ultimately it will never happen.
4. Sometimes some of your closest friends end up on the list. You wish that they wouldn’t be there but when you are with them it’s sometimes the most comforting. Unfortunately, your friendship will suffer from the relationship you are trying to make and things might just be better separate.
5. By this time, your list has substantially grown and you think you’ve matured in your choices. Although the people on the list aren’t always mature enough to be there. You want relationships to work out but the other person isn’t always ready for it and kinda fucks it up. Unfortunately, they end up being another person that you probably won’t talk to much anymore.
6. There are people that lead you on to believe that you like them. They tell you they want to get with you, then as soon as you show interest, it’s done and it they make it look like you are the needy one.
7. Some people you show no interest in at all, yet they still like you. You begin to tell yourself that you like them purely because it would be easy. But is it really easy to like someone only because they are simple just “there.”
8. Your list grows and grows and sometimes you only want someone to be your friend. You become there friend, and bam one thing leads to another, and you are head over heels for each other, then BAM as quick as a switch blade, they leave the picture.
I’m almost positive we all know of this list. As soon as a relationship begins or ends or even when you see on your numbered friends, you can’t help but have the list cross your mind. The relationships you have with each of these people will never be the same. There isn’t a single thing you can do to change it. Sometimes you may act like there isn’t any history between the two of you and sometimes that might just be the right thing to think.
Every once in a while people of your list get brought up in to conversations. “You should get back with him, you seemed good together.” “Why don’t you get back with him, Why didn’t that work out?” “If you were both attracted to each other then why didn’t it work out?”
I’m constantly reminded on a daily basis of each of the people on my list. Whether how small or big the relationship was, I think about it. As tiny as a, “Hmmm, I like you” to a “one night thing” to a “I’m sorry I don’t like you” to a “I thought we were gonna work out”. My thought process goes from one thing to the next to the next. And it’s not like I’m thinking of things that don’t involve me, each thing I am a definite part of and reminded all the time. I don’t regret a single one of my decisions though. I’ve grown from each one.
It’s just sometimes I wish that I could have a single person who I am like best friends with that I can vent to about absolutely everything and they not be directly involved in a single situation. One person who knew all of my people, but didn’t care about a single one of them. Unfortunately if they didn’t care about any of them then they wouldn’t know any of them and the effort would be useless.
My 18th year should be that of an interesting one. I’ll be finishing high school and I’ll be beginning college. I’ll be an adult. Woah. This should be very very interesting.
Also, in my 17th year, the list was created. We all have the list no matter how much we try to deny that it exists. We all date, we all fuck around, and we all fuck up. The people on your list will continuously continue to grow. The list…
1. At the beginning of the list is simple. We date someone, and we think that it is the best thing that you think could have ever happened. Unfortunately, not all relationships work out. If it ends badly, you most likely won’t talk anymore and there is awkwardness every time you see them. No matter how hard you try to mend things, you’ll probably never speak again.
2. Slowly the list becomes more complicated. You may talk to someone and there may be mutual feelings. Then the other person realizes that you shouldn’t be together, and eventually you stop talking. In the future, you still become friends, but every once in a while, you start thinking of the past and how good it could have been.
3. There are some people on your list that you will continue to keep close. You date, hook up, and things seem to be almost perfect. The emotional attraction is there, and even the physical attraction is there as well. But it won’t work out. You both try so hard but in the end, ultimately it will never happen.
4. Sometimes some of your closest friends end up on the list. You wish that they wouldn’t be there but when you are with them it’s sometimes the most comforting. Unfortunately, your friendship will suffer from the relationship you are trying to make and things might just be better separate.
5. By this time, your list has substantially grown and you think you’ve matured in your choices. Although the people on the list aren’t always mature enough to be there. You want relationships to work out but the other person isn’t always ready for it and kinda fucks it up. Unfortunately, they end up being another person that you probably won’t talk to much anymore.
6. There are people that lead you on to believe that you like them. They tell you they want to get with you, then as soon as you show interest, it’s done and it they make it look like you are the needy one.
7. Some people you show no interest in at all, yet they still like you. You begin to tell yourself that you like them purely because it would be easy. But is it really easy to like someone only because they are simple just “there.”
8. Your list grows and grows and sometimes you only want someone to be your friend. You become there friend, and bam one thing leads to another, and you are head over heels for each other, then BAM as quick as a switch blade, they leave the picture.
I’m almost positive we all know of this list. As soon as a relationship begins or ends or even when you see on your numbered friends, you can’t help but have the list cross your mind. The relationships you have with each of these people will never be the same. There isn’t a single thing you can do to change it. Sometimes you may act like there isn’t any history between the two of you and sometimes that might just be the right thing to think.
Every once in a while people of your list get brought up in to conversations. “You should get back with him, you seemed good together.” “Why don’t you get back with him, Why didn’t that work out?” “If you were both attracted to each other then why didn’t it work out?”
I’m constantly reminded on a daily basis of each of the people on my list. Whether how small or big the relationship was, I think about it. As tiny as a, “Hmmm, I like you” to a “one night thing” to a “I’m sorry I don’t like you” to a “I thought we were gonna work out”. My thought process goes from one thing to the next to the next. And it’s not like I’m thinking of things that don’t involve me, each thing I am a definite part of and reminded all the time. I don’t regret a single one of my decisions though. I’ve grown from each one.
It’s just sometimes I wish that I could have a single person who I am like best friends with that I can vent to about absolutely everything and they not be directly involved in a single situation. One person who knew all of my people, but didn’t care about a single one of them. Unfortunately if they didn’t care about any of them then they wouldn’t know any of them and the effort would be useless.
My 18th year should be that of an interesting one. I’ll be finishing high school and I’ll be beginning college. I’ll be an adult. Woah. This should be very very interesting.
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